Just another manic Sunday

Just like that the weekend is over. I managed to wash all my clothes. That's evidenced by the pile of unfolded laundry on my bed. I did wash my car this afternoon--which was really only an excuse to be outside in the sunshine and get sloppy wet. I spent almost the entire day yesterday writing my talk for church. I did get out, but when I did I spent money. I bought a stack of books on two different trips. I have no idea when I'll get to read them. But my friend Tim has been telling me to read Atlas Shrugged, so I bought that and a host of other books at the used bookstore. I now own titles by Annie Dillard, Anne Lamott, and a new (to me) novel by Douglas Coupland.

I think that buying books is therapeutic for me.

Later, when I needed a break, I headed to another bookstore to pick up a couple of books my counselor recommended to me. Then, sufficiently distracted, I sat down and read one in a single sitting--thus pushing the finishing touches on my talk to nearly 2:00 am.

My talk.

I preached at church today. I hate that word, though. Preach. It sounds so formal. I shared some thoughts. I read the Bible, and thought and prayed about it, and shared my thoughts. I listed some highlights. I discussed how I struggle with some of the very issues that I was raising.

I love that process. I love the writing process when it has an actual audience, with feedback and facial expressions and laughter at my jokes (well, sometimes). It's a good challenge for me and something that I think (ever so humbly :-) that I can be good at at times.

It's funny to me how people in churches respond to speakers who are out of their element. I've been an integral part of this specific community for years, and yet the consistent response as we were breaking down was along the lines of "wow, Brian, you were really good." I know--and so appreciate--that people are just sharing support and positive response. But I can't help but chuckle at what I perceive is the consistent hint of surprise in everyone's voice. It's as if they're saying "we didn't know you had it in you." Even now remembering makes me laugh.

But I think that's part of the point, and partly why I like it when churches ask people to speak who don't do public speaking on a regular basis. We in the church have oftentimes placed preaching and teaching up on this pedestal as activities only to be tackled by the few, the chosen. I think it's good to put people up if front who aren't there all the time. That seems much more honest, and much more human to me. Shared experience can be just that--it doesn't require special training or a salary, members of the body all have stories and experiences and doubts to bring to the table. I think it's good for our little church to be reminded of that. In a sense we are all both teachers and students, both ministers and laity.

That being said, because of vague scheduling conflicts that I don't really think I want to understand I've been asked to talk again this coming weekend. So what I thought was a one week exercise in focus now gets played out again, like the movie Groundhog Day. It's been four years since I last did this sort of thing and now I get back to back weekends. That, too, makes me laugh this evening.