Random thoughts

(but really, what's new there?)

You can't get there from here

If you're not fluent in Cincinnati geography this will be lost on you. But...

As all you 'natians know, I75 is torn up from Sharon Road to the Michael "J" Fox Highway. And to make matters worse, I275 is ripped up on the north side between I75 and I71 (maybe to the nether regions east of I71--but I wouldn't know. I never venture out there).

So when I sit downtown on 8th Street looking to get home there is just no good way. One evening last week it took me two hours just to get through the construction--not to mention all the way to my destination.

All that good couch-sitting time wasted in my car.

A different perspective on Roe v. Wade

Hearing from Roe

Silent no more--asking women to speak out who have suffered harmful affects of abortion.

Never satisfied

Next year I (finally) get to enjoy a third week of vacation. I have tentative plans for a week in South America, tentative plans to counsel at a youth camp for a week (dear God, what have I agreed to?), and then a week for various and sundry short trips (Wisconsin, the holidays, etc). And yet I want more...

There's this week-long sailing adventure in Maine, friends in California to visit, family in Florida to visit, a five-year gap since my last trip to Europe...

And now a real thought

Only 180 shopping days until Christmas.

Ahhh, memories

Five years ago today the Cincinnati Enquirer apologized to Chiquita for the scathing expose that the Enquirer was forced to retract. Too bad the millions of dollars the Enquirer paid to settle the lawsuit couldn't keep Miss Chiquita from filing bankruptcy.

No, really, this is a real thought

Norman Maclean wrote in A River Runs Through It "That's how you know when you have thought too much--when you become a dialogue between You'll probably lose and You're sure to lose."

This happens to me all the time.

I can so easily imagine every scenario (ok, maybe not every, but many...). And I'm much better at imagining the worst case scenario than the best (which imitates life, which imitates Coach Hayes' philosophy on passing).

But I digress.

I know many people who are able to identify what they want and then go do it, simply accepting and expecting that everything will work out for the best. I wish I were one of those types who didn't get bogged down worrying about perception and every possible reaction.

Unbelievable but true

After class the other night a girl asked me to walk her to her car because she "isn't comfortable walking across the parking lot alone at night."

I bit my tongue and stopped myself from offering to carry her books for her as well.

But seriously...if some lineman jumped out at her what, praytell, was I supposed to do about it? For crying out loud, I was probably over-matched by the sophomore girl, much less some kind of creepy stalker type.

Deep Thoughts

My end of the page quotes are getting old, so I went looking for some new ones. Here are two for me (and you) to chew on. Hopefully I'll just get a whole new set and rewrite my javascript this weekend.

OK, you're right, I didn't look hard. I just pulled the two most recent x-bonus quotes from A.W.A.D

There are only two kinds of men: the righteous who believe themselves sinners; the sinners who believe themselves righteous.
-Blaise Pascal, philosopher and mathematician (1623-1662)


Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them?
-Abraham Lincoln, 16th US president (1809-1865)

Hypocrisy abounds

Just yesterday I was saying that if there were adventures in Colorado (or anywhere else, for that matter), then there must be adventures in Ohio.

And yet, here I am chasing links and scoping out english-speaking schools abroad looking for people to teach basic computer classes.

Brazil! Or Eastern Europe!

While great opportunity may abound locally (load this page at a time that ends in :x1 and catch the quote at the bottom), my current place in life would make chasing adventures now easier than at perhaps any other time.

Ah, the elixir of possibility. It's intoxicating to me...

Is resisting that truly discipline and focus? Or is it fear or lack of inertia?

Just another manic Sunday

Just like that the weekend is over. I managed to wash all my clothes. That's evidenced by the pile of unfolded laundry on my bed. I did wash my car this afternoon--which was really only an excuse to be outside in the sunshine and get sloppy wet. I spent almost the entire day yesterday writing my talk for church. I did get out, but when I did I spent money. I bought a stack of books on two different trips. I have no idea when I'll get to read them. But my friend Tim has been telling me to read Atlas Shrugged, so I bought that and a host of other books at the used bookstore. I now own titles by Annie Dillard, Anne Lamott, and a new (to me) novel by Douglas Coupland.

I think that buying books is therapeutic for me.

Later, when I needed a break, I headed to another bookstore to pick up a couple of books my counselor recommended to me. Then, sufficiently distracted, I sat down and read one in a single sitting--thus pushing the finishing touches on my talk to nearly 2:00 am.

My talk.

I preached at church today. I hate that word, though. Preach. It sounds so formal. I shared some thoughts. I read the Bible, and thought and prayed about it, and shared my thoughts. I listed some highlights. I discussed how I struggle with some of the very issues that I was raising.

I love that process. I love the writing process when it has an actual audience, with feedback and facial expressions and laughter at my jokes (well, sometimes). It's a good challenge for me and something that I think (ever so humbly :-) that I can be good at at times.

It's funny to me how people in churches respond to speakers who are out of their element. I've been an integral part of this specific community for years, and yet the consistent response as we were breaking down was along the lines of "wow, Brian, you were really good." I know--and so appreciate--that people are just sharing support and positive response. But I can't help but chuckle at what I perceive is the consistent hint of surprise in everyone's voice. It's as if they're saying "we didn't know you had it in you." Even now remembering makes me laugh.

But I think that's part of the point, and partly why I like it when churches ask people to speak who don't do public speaking on a regular basis. We in the church have oftentimes placed preaching and teaching up on this pedestal as activities only to be tackled by the few, the chosen. I think it's good to put people up if front who aren't there all the time. That seems much more honest, and much more human to me. Shared experience can be just that--it doesn't require special training or a salary, members of the body all have stories and experiences and doubts to bring to the table. I think it's good for our little church to be reminded of that. In a sense we are all both teachers and students, both ministers and laity.

That being said, because of vague scheduling conflicts that I don't really think I want to understand I've been asked to talk again this coming weekend. So what I thought was a one week exercise in focus now gets played out again, like the movie Groundhog Day. It's been four years since I last did this sort of thing and now I get back to back weekends. That, too, makes me laugh this evening.

Nothing to say

I agreed to talk at church Sunday morning. In our casual, laid-back lingo you can easily miss the significance of that statement. In my humble little community we sing and pray and praise for about half an hour, then we have breakfast, then Tom talks for twenty minutes or so (usually or so :-).

Except this week it's me. It seemed like a good idea at the time I was asked. Now? Well, you're reading my notes so far.

We're working through Ephesians. In front of me is the latter half of chapter 4.

In The Message Eugene Peterson paraphrases a bit of it this way:

...then take on an entirely new way of life--a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you.

Hmmm.

If you know me you know that among many things I am consistent. For the most part my strengths of years ago are my strengths today. And for the most part my weaknesses of years ago are still my weaknesses today. Is that evidence of God reproducing his character within me? Is that a life renewed?

I've been in a whiny mood lately. My life is a busy grind. My job feels mundane. My classes feel as if they're only a distraction. My relationships are all neglected because of my job and my classes. And I'm the same person I was two years ago.

I find myself longing for some radical change. I keep joking about running off and joining the military (not that they'd accept me, but still). The prospect of boot camp, of rugged training and transformation, is addictive.

But maybe that's what this stage of life is. Maybe this is my training, my opportunity to find worth, or value, or contentment within the mundane. Maybe the strength I need isn't physical but spiritual.

Maybe I am a different person than I was a year or so ago? Maybe I need to allow myself to be transformed within my given context and not some far-flung fantasy.

But a life fulfilled from the inside...I like that part. Please, God, let it be.

Road signs as metaphor

Driving to church this morning I passed a private road, a glorified driveway essentially. The street sign at the intersection labled the little side-street as "Promise Lane."

On a separate post directly next to it was a bright yellow caution sign reading "Dead End."

...

On a totally unrelated note I was with my parents today talking about a recent trip that I took to Colorado. I said "I could move to Colorado in a heartbeat." And my dad, in what seemed to be a non sequitor, said "Oh, I wish you would."

Really? And so he answered that yes, he likes me being close in the midwest, and that ultimately where I live is up to me. But there was a subtle hint in his voice that he might like having someone to visit out there.

Hmmm. People shouldn't plant these ideas in my head. I dream all the time of doing crazy things like moving across the country. The last thing I need is my dad telling me that it's a good idea.

...

I am loving my accounting class. But this "semester in six weeks" schedule is killing me. I get home in time to have dinner at 11:00 pm right before going to bed. It's delightful.

...

I finally caught Matrix:Reloaded this weekend. My friend Tim and I sat behind a delightful family of four: two adults and four kids, ages 4 through about ten. They kept shushing each other. It was wonderful.

But I'm so confused. Hopefully M^3 clears everything up. I won't even express my questions here. But I don't believe a word that the architect said. That much I know.