More memories

I started writing this weeks ago, and prefaced it then with "I have no idea where this is going--I'm just diving in on a writing rampage."

As mentioned below, I've been awash in emotional thoughts lately. Peculiarly I've been remembering all kinds of long-forgotten but now vivid memories.

One of these memories is this: When I was young my maternal grandparents lived outside of Detroit. My grandfather would get tickets to Detroit Tigers baseball games and take me. Did this happen once? Many times? I do not know. It must have been at least several times. I remember the old stadium (how I wish I'd have gone back to Tiger Stadium before they demolished it), the green, green grass, the excitement of the game. But what I remember most was parking and walking over the interstate on a skywalk. The elevation, the cars rushing by below us--the whole thing made me feel strangely uncomfortable and excited. (I wonder if I was afraid? Or obviously enthralled? I have no idea what I demonstrated outwardly way back then...) Anyway, now as an adult simply walking over a highway isn't that big of a deal. For years I worked in downtown Cincinnati--parking at Riverfront Stadium and walking across I75 to my office building. The cars rush by below and I never paid them mind.

I want to go back. But so much is gone. Tiger Stadium is no more. My Grandfather is no longer with me (but his Tiger's cap sits on my kitchen counter).

Another memory that has come to mind:

The first day of class, fall semester, my Sophomore year. I was sitting in the dormer of my room watching foot traffic on the sidewalk below. I remember talking to a friend four stories below--even now I can see her pleated skirt, the shadow of sunlight filtering through huge oak trees. I still love late summer and the natural excitement that comes from the beginning of the school-year.

Also I've been drawn to places: houses I used to live in or visit, places I've visited in my past. I've driven around several old stomping grounds trying to recapture....to recapture what? I do not know.

I hope heaven is like this. I hope we're able to look in on our own pasts, on the stories of our friends and loved ones. I'd love to relive my life on Sens-O-Tape. I'd love to see this world from my parents' perspectives, from my friends eyes, even from the views of those who have hurt me most. I'd like to think in heaven we'll be able to see the beauty of this world--even in the midst of the obvious brokenness. I hope we'll be able to see the poetry that underlies all of our love and struggle and faith.

I hope we can see Tiger Stadium again.